FINAL GAME OF THE SEASON! Sunday 1st April 2012

And I'm not joking!

Yep - it's that time again - the final game before the summer tournaments.

Fret not, however, for we are adjourning to 'The Red Lion' Public House at 1pm for what can only be described as a celebration of this season's achievements for both teams!

A chance to thank Matt for his continuing hard work but mainly to drink beer and eat cheesy-chips. Everyone's a winner!

ASC vs Another Team: Sunday 24th March 2012

The 'A's

Won 4-2

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The 'B's

Lost 1-0

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Joe

Joined the French Resistance. 70 years too late.

ASC Strikers vs Hangleton Rangers: Sunday 19th March 2012

The 'A's

THE CLICHÉ EDITION

The usual suspects turned out at Fortress Buckingham on a sunny Sunday morn. On paper we had the better team, but as you know, you don’t play football on paper.

A pair of well matched teams at the business end of the season were up for the challenge. The visiting crowd had a lot to say but Ryan was doing his talking on the pitch. A great shot produced a save right out of the top drawer.

Matt was on fire on the wing and Reggie produced the goods with a fine effort. Rhys displayed some training-ground-cheek with a back heel to Ross who was giving 110%.

The game needed a goal and the stadium erupted as Reg showed great calm with a textbook tap-in ASC 1 HR 0

Buoyed by their success, it was handbags in the box as Ross was brought down on the six yard line. The resulting penalty went just wide. He'd have been disappointed with that.

Regan had the bit between his teeth and running like a gazelle saw his left foot strike hit the post. Last time I saw a run like that was many, many years ago:

If the boy had been a Brazilian we'd be raving about it for ages.

Ross was in the wars today but his knock just before half time deserved an Oscar

Half time: ASC 1 Hangleton Rangers 0

It was a game of two halves as ASC had a mix-up in defence; Joe pulling off a great save. Sam's running was a real feature of the early exchanges. That boy's got a great engine. Reg was on hand with another great effort from a free-kick.

Matt and Ross tracked back well knowing this would be a bad time to concede a goal. Reg, Ross & Rhys were making lovely triangles as they sought to stretch their advantage. Sam then upset the applecart with a cross from his right[!] peg which was met with precision by the head of Reggie ASC 2 HR 0

Of course, a two goal lead is often more difficult to defend than a one goal lead but it was a bad time to concede a goal for the visitors who'd made the long trip out West. Matt was called upon to step up to the plate in defence but Reg was a different class with a header that had the keeper well beaten. His hat-trick came soon after with a neat one/two between him and Ross; a giant of a player ASC 3 HR 0

As the clock wound down, the Ref checked his watch knowing there are no easy games at this level. Football was the winner as Reg, asked to comment on his three goals said the main thing was getting the three points. Yeah - right.

Final Score: ASC Strikers 3 Hangleton Rangers 0 [a real six-pointer, that one]

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The 'B's

THE HYPERBOLE EDITION

On what was perhaps the finest morning steeped in sunshine that this part of the South Coast had EVER seen, our stalwart young defenders of Adur Sports Council pride took to the lush meadows of a sporting arena that has seen many a battle won, lost or held in honours even. Tears would be shed, hearts broken, friendships forged on this, our day of days!


Hangleton Rangers, fresh from a brief sojourn in the pleasant hamlet of Knoll Rec, were soon to make the game theirs with a display of passing not seen around these parts since the days of Ozymandias and his triumphant journey into the heart of the beast within the bowels of Patcham; just off the A23.


Joe G., the enigmatic provider of wondrous attack play, of a skill forged in the fire-pits of Hades itself, forced his adversary into a save that the Great Yashin could only have dreamed to call his own. Mothers screamed and babies cried to the Gods of All That Is Good and Evil as the young firebrand let loose his blaze of glory.


Sunny, a rock upon which the Church of Phenomenal Defending was built, stood sentinel at the heart of a defence bolstered by the presence of the Ice Man, Sharpy. His inability to crack in the face of all pressure has enabled this team, this group, this collective of players, their skill hewn from the rarest alloy found only in places that no human eye has seen, only in their dreams, has been the reason, the force du nature that has kept this group of footballers in their rightful place on this planet spinning helplessly in a cavernous, infinite universe.


Bill, for yes, it is he, who was then able to rise like a phoenix who has seen the dark ages of man sweep through the ancestry of aeons to meet a ball that had been delivered, sent, crossed rapier-like into the cold, beating heart of the opposition defence; a group of players made great by their own indifference to such fripperies as defeat, loss, heart-breaking loneliness in a world populated by old men in tracksuits living vicariously through the feats of their offspring. This ball, met by the head of the young man of Belgian/Shepherd's Bush descent, fell painfully wide of its target. Sad, defeated, lying to the left of the steel upright which the defending talisman of a goalkeeper now looked to with pride, awe and not a little shame.


Joe W., the flaxen haired son of God like parentage, both riven from the stones of Nebukenezer in the Ancient City of Thebes, then saw a shot that only the deities of millenia could describe in the hallowed writings of Ramses and Ebenezer. It went just wide but families, preparing for a brief repast in the grounds of the Adur District's finest acres of common ground, stood and stared in awe at the trajectory of its wideness.


But lo! Had Sharpy's coolness lulled his opponents into a sense that all was well in their area of the park? With a bellow of 'FOR ENGLAND! FOR ALBION!' he set upon a sprint that the wing-ed Mercury could only behold in awe, in terror, in recognition that his particular place in history had been left broken and bereft; with no chance of a reprieve or a return into the history books under 'Very Fast Runners'. His through ball to Joe G. had the latter, and his parents, and the Manager, and a man asking directions down on the Upper Shoreham Road, thanking him for such delicacy and kindness in a world riven by hate, fear and malice.


It was now Bill's turn to shine once more. Can there be greater pleasure in any man/woman's life than to see the years of hard work, of striving, of perseverance brought into one beautiful moment by a neat little one/two on the edge of the area? Joe G., once again the grateful recipient of this magnanimous gift. The post once again the blocker of dreams; the usurper of fantasia.


Half time: ASC 0 HR 0


Onward, upward, crossways and in descent the warriors made play once more. Les garcons jaunes applied pressure that would move continents, would unsettle the stability of the ocean floor, would bring forth a tsunami of such gargantuan proportions that no man/woman/child/animal/mollusc/invertebrate/arachnid would be able to survive its inexorable journey across the plains of this tiny planet upon which we seek to make our fortune and happiness.


But what have we here? A melée! A zigamorph of thrashing limbs as the orb of faux leather and weave spins helplessly like a sponge tossed on the surf of the aforementioned tidal wave. A tidal wave of hope? Of dreams? Of lost, cold moments in the arms of a long since past love? Ah - love. Would it be such that this love of which I speak could bring us the joy to which we so desperately cling? Could Sharpy bring us that love? HR decide to face him up. To make him become the man that he NEEDS to become. Will he answer their call? Will he say 'NO! YOU. SHALL. NOT. PASS.'?

Yes. Yes, he will.


And Bill returns for one last combination with Max, our flame haired Zeus of the left wing. Girls swoon as he zips left, then right, then left, then right, then right again. Each move brings a shrill cry of ecstasy from the sidelines. And that's just from his father! Bill and Max have been drawn back to help, along with Fraser and Henry who look at each other in implicit realisation of the approaching storm. They know. They. Know.


Our world now stops. Pollen is held suspended in the air. Dogs hold their jaws akimbo as they draw in the last vestiges of oxygen. A ball, hit with such ferocity, with such vigour, with such primeval anger and despair and desperation travels toward Charlie. His face is locked in a gaze of such intense concentration that sleeping children five towns away are woken from their slumbers by the ultrasonic wave of its magnitude. The ball, travelling at speeds hitherto unknown and therefore unrecorded by the tiny machines of human capability is stopped by him in its unerring path toward the net. It falls to the floor.


Would that there were a blue stockinged foot to send it clear, but No. It is the black sock of our venomous foe. The sock of all that is dark. Of all that spells solitude, fear and death that pushes the ball home. For a moment, every street in the South East of England stands still in unseen knowledge of this watershed moment. It is a time for heroes. A time to regroup. To realise that among ALL of our victories, we must, at times, taste defeat. ASC 0 HR 1


Bugger.


Final Score: Adur Sports Council Strikers Under 10s Association Football Club 0 Hangleton Rangers Under 10 Association Football Club 1

Seagulls Blue u10s vs ASC Strikers u10s: 12th March 2012

The 'A's

Joe W [GK], Ross, Ryan, Reg, Caldé, Sam, Matt and Rhys took to what can only be described as a pocket handkerchief of a pitch; it was going to be a real test of their close control skills.

Actual size

Seagulls looked good from the start but it was star striker, Reg who opened the scoring with a tap-in from the edge of his OWN penalty area. I said the pitch was small. SB 0 ASC 1

Sam was soon deservedly on the score sheet as he pounced on one of Reggie's overhead kicks that hit the post. SB 0 ASC 2

Sam, Caldé and Reg linked up beautifully through midfield but the final ball saw them fall victim to the small pitch. The remainder of the first half was evenly-matched. Great defence from Rhys and Matt, with Joe W being called upon to act as an extra outfield player as ASC used up the whole of the available space. 

Half time: Seagulls Blue 0 ASC 2

Matt and Reggie linked up well early doors [what does that actually mean?] and Rhys's rock 'ard nut was called into action in both defence and attack. SB were picking things up though - Joe parried an excellently struck shot but it fell to an SB Poacher who welcomed the tap-in. Renewed hope for our hosts? SB 1 ASC 2

A goalmouth scramble at the other end almost saw the two goal lead re-established but SB soon broke away, forcing another fine save from Joe. He followed this with a beautifully weighted chip to Matt who was on fire down the right wing out of defence [he didn't have that far to run, to be honest - did I mention the pitch was quite small?]. Forcing a throw, Sam found Reg who produced a shot off his left foot of Concorde like proportions SB 1 ASC 3


From here it was all ASC - Ryan hit the side netting, Caldé lobbed just over. The boys were protecting their lead in a calm and intelligent manner. SB's one foray into the box saw Joe punch well clear and as Caldé hit the post with the last kick of the match it was another game well won.


Final Score: Seagulls blue 1 ASC Strikers 3

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The 'B's

Joe W. [GK], Sharpy, Joe G., Sunny, Henry, Bill, Max & Fraser took to the pitch brimming with confidence after a fabulous run of results and that bravado was on show within seconds of the kick-off as Fraser stepped up with a poacher's goal after a Sunny free-kick SB 0 ASC 1

ASC continued turning the screw; Bill even managed to overhead kick the ball on to his own head - a bit like this but without the pain [or embarrassment]:

Max was bossing the midfield again with some great shimmies and he linked well with Henry at the front of the centre pack. If the ball did come ASC's way, Sharpy was there with cool control and deft footwork to put it back up the other end.


The siege continued and in a short salvo of strikes ASC were winning comfortably. First, Joe G. pounced like an unsmiling salmon on a Fraser shot that the SB keeper couldn't hold SB 0 ASC2


Then, Max had a Barnes Wallis moment as his shot bounced across the ground; a series of nasty bobbles although the end result was slightly more benign than this:

SB 0 ASC 3


The final action of the first half saw Henry strike the post and have the ball bounce back to his feet. Second time lucky? You betcha! SB 0 ASC 4


Half time: Seagulls Blue 0 ASC 4


Matt's words to Joe 'Keep a clean sheet and there's a bonus for you' rang clear in the Keeper's ears throughout the second half; a much better display from our hosts. Soaking up the pressure the ASC boys found no way through. Henry was described as a juggernaut by an SB supporter; in a nice way, I'm sure! Even Sharpy saw the chance to break through with a stunning shot that clipped the top of the bar.

ASC were rampant but, as is often the case, the defence fell asleep. A mix up at the back saw Joe slightly out of position. SB must've thought they were being given a consolation strike to make them feel better. He's always looked after the under-dog that boy! SB 1 ASC 4

Joe gets a little help from his friends

Final Score: Seagulls Blue 1 ASC Strikers 4

ASC Strikers u10s vs Hove Rivervale u10s: Sunday 5th March 2012

The 'A's

Charlie [GK], Rhys, Ross, Reggie, Sam, Caldé and Ryan took to the pitch in what can only be described as inclement weather conditions. Joe lay in bed with tonsils the size of raspberries and although I thrashed him, he was having none of it.

It has to be said that HR were on the wrong end of a comprehensive drubbing last time round but they were looking much better today and it took a while for the ASC breakthrough; Caldé tapping in after a mini-onslaught that saw Reg shoot over and Ross take a knock in the box [always painful that] ASC 1 HR 0

It was soon honours even after a great move through midfield from HR and a clinical finish through the driving rain and wind ASC 1 HR 1

An instant return with Wonder Winger, Sam zipping a ball in to Reg who volleyed hard and fast into the top corner ASC 2 HR 1

Ross was in the wars again as he was clattered to the ground. In defence of his team-mate, Reg picked up on a wonderful through ball from Ryan and, afterburners kicking in, left his defenders for dead as he ran through for a two goal cushion at half time ASC 3 HR 1

Half time: ASC 3 HR 1

ASC were perked up by Matt's half time talk [something along the lines of 'score more or I'm quitting'] and although HR showed great improvement they were no match for the triangles being drawn in midfield. Sam was so astounded by the skill on show this happened:

As the ball sank into the mud Caldé was up next with a tap in to make it four and HR's collective head began to fall; not through losing, but the weight of the rain on it  ASC 4 HR 1

As I struggled to write any notes in the deluge, Reg secured his umpteenth hat-trick of the season with another stunning volley ASC 5 HR 1

Final Score: ASC Strikers u10s 5 Hove Rivervale u10s 1

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The 'B's

As things took a turn for the worse weather-wise Charlie [GK], Henry, Sunny, Joe G, Max, Fraser, Sharpy and Bill took to the rapidly developing bog. Still, we need the rain otherwise we're all going to die in a drought of Biblical proportions. Well, that's what The Daily Mail says anyway.

To be honest, it got so wet I couldn't take any notes. I think Max nut-megged somebody, Bill hit the post and then scored near the end, Joe G scored two and Charlie got hypothermia [he's in the picture somewhere - boy, can that kid use a snorkel!]

Final score: ASC Strikers u10s 3 Hove Rivervale 0

Mile Oak Wanderers Blue vs ASC Strikers: Sunday26/02/12

The Ballad of Mile Oak Blue [best read in the style of Johnny Cash]

The 'A's

On a sunny day, on a Sunday morn, two teams they took the field

As the pylons hummed and the wind blew free

The 'Blue' Boys' fate was sealed.

It was Caldé first that hit the net

As he looked to cash-in on his Dad's crazy bet,

'Score THREE today, and a tenner's yours!'

[Foolish words from them Northern jaws]. 0:1

Sam ran the wing like a bird took flight

His speed and skill an awesome sight,

While Ross took a touch and, screamin' out loud

Did a dive to make Tom Daly proud!

Caldé, Ross and Reg conspired

To make the Blues look really tired.

But wave after wave saw little reward

It had been some time since the boys had scored. 

Then our flame-haired forward did a 'chip-cross' thang

On to Reg's right foot - top corner - BANG! 0:2

The Mile Oak boys were looking good in defence

2-0 up but things were getting tense

Til' Ross did a turn that left his marker stranded

His shot hit the net like an eagle had landed! 0:3

Half time: Mile Oak Blue 0 ASC 3

With their tails up the boys ran out

Not knowing we'd be seeing a rout

Matt squeaked a ball though the Blues back two

Sam's deft tap-in was the least he could do. 0:4

It was Ryan's turn, and turn he did

The ball under the keeper slid! 0:5

ASC on fire as they pushed for more

Reg rounded the keeper to increase the score. 0:6

Now from the back there came an attack

As Matt and Ross joined in

The latter's shot didn't hit the spot

But the former's hit the pin! 0:7

Caldé smelt the cash and began to dash

Through the Blues as they stayed brave,

But the Keeper looked like he was already beat

That shot he weren't ever gonna save 0:8

Matt came up from the back, avoiding the flack

From the stalwarts dressed in blue

As he hit number nine, with a cry of 'MINE!'

There weren't NOTHIN' they could do! 0:9

But what about Joe, way back in the goal?

The poor guy left out on his own?

To keep himself sharp, he pulled out his harp

And laid down some blues of his own.

Up the other end, still tryin' to defend

The Blues they kept on tryin',

But Ross chipped to Matt, who spun the ball back

Waitin' there was our boy, Ryan. 0:10 

But it wasn't over, the boys were in clover

They were making their passes stick

And with his rellies watching, Matt weren't botchin'

The chance of his first hat-trick! 0:11

Caldé's return from the subs bench burned

In the memories of those who saw

His Dad's face wince, as he darted and jinked

Through the back to get THAT score! 0:12

It was Reg up now and we all went 'WOW!'

As the ball flew through the air

He'd scored three, but amidst all the glee

It felt a little unfair. 0:13

But to HELL with FAIR

There was time for MORE

And in one last attempt to strike the Blues

Ross stepped in with not one, but TWO! 0:14 & 15

Fifteen goals and four hat-tricks

Mile Oak Blue had been hit for six

But thru' the onslaught, their heads held high

Them Mile Oak boys, they never say die!

Final Score: Mile Oak Wanderers Blue 0 ASC Strikers 15 [crikey!]

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The 'B's 

or

Some more of me poetry

 

Unbeaten in loads, the Bs stepped in

Could they emulate their pals?

Henry and Max laid siege to the goal

The parents watched like owls

For a while it seemed that this Blues team

Would keep their visitors out 

But Joe W. was there, and with a swish of his hair

Gave us something to shout about! 0:1

Sharpy was in with a great through ball

That scythed the opponents' back line

Joe G. slammed home, when left on his own

By gosh, that boy's touch is damn fine! 0:2

We were soon up to three, as Bill started a spree

That saw him shoot just wide

Joe W. appeared, and with a look of some fear

The Blues keeper was back inside . . . his own net. 0:3

Half time: Mile Oak Blue 0 ASC 3

With Sunny in goal and Charlie out front

It was Henry's chance to shine

After shooting just wide, it was no time to hide

As the fourth went over the line! 0:4

Bill came close with a stinging free-kick

But a great save prevented the goal

Fraser and Charlie passed well with Joe W.

And Sharpy played well 'in the hole'

It could've been five, but the ball crossed the line

Before Charlie tapped into the net

So a goal kick it was, but our Keeper 'woz robbed'

Our boys became more of a threat!

Shot after shot as the boys looked to slot

The ball through the tightening gaps

Bill in with his head, Fraser left them for dead

But Joe W.'s strike got the claps! 0:5

A hat-trick for Joe, meant that I had to go

To a cashpoint on the way home.

But these 'B' Boys are great, and play like great mates,

They deserve some cash of their own!

Final Score: Mile Oak Wanderers Blue 0 ASC Strikers 5

West Hove Dynamos vs ASC Strikers: Sunday 29/01/12

It seems an age ago since we saw this game. Based on that and the fact I've got three to write up, here is the match report in the raw . . . welcome to the darkest recesses of my mind as we present ASC Unplugged [please excuse typos, handwriting etc.]

The 'A's

Calling the opponent's manager 'Gestapo'?

Final score: West Hove Dynamos 2 ASC Strikers 2

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The 'B's

'FK' means 'free-kick' in case you were wondering . . .

Final score: West Hove Dynamos 2 ASC Strikers 2 [the unbeaten run continues!]